Fwd: So... What now?

> It came up quite a bit today, in my head... Swallowing back the waves of tears and tried to act like a normal, not crazy human being.
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> I am puttin my life on autopilot for a bit for you... The revised ETA to your crossroad simply meant that we have to WAIT longer for things to HAPPEN so that we can REACT to them.
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> I really hate it. One of us need to just grow a sack and take a leap.. The thing is, neither one of us are happy with our current jobs.. Why are we still running on the same track that we both are not happy with?
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> Actually, I'm just too cluttered by other distractions that I didn't realise that I have been given what I wanted. End of 2012, I prayed everyday to get a job and that my employer will pay for me to further my studies and sponsor me under business visa to keep me with them. Then I'll work super hard and be on my lovely way to get the PR that I was so frantic about... Well, am, so frantic about.
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> Even though the specifics haven't been ironed out, my employer is willing to have a "conversation" about this. And she brought it up a couple of times.. She seemed more eager than I am.
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> I should be happy. Heck, I could convince myself that I'm happy, why am I so greedy? Can't I just appreciate what I have with me and all it's greatness? Lol.
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> Am I not just fooling myself with my foolish mirage of happiness?
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> You noticed and call it as it is.. A good opportunity. Good is quite a strong term to be used in this context but yea, you identified that this opportunity is a good one. You asked if you should do ielts and come over here. If I were selfish I'd say hell ya. But you have a beef with starting from the bottom.. Doing admin/unrelated part time job for the first few years. I understand your frustration and annoyance with the prospect of this but really, Singapore sounded more and more u realistic when you mentioned about that car licence cost about $50,000 and that houses are too expensive for anyone.
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> What kind of life would that be? Maybe I haven't been in that situation where I have a mortgage and overhead expenses for kids or car.. I would like to have stuff. Lol. As funny as that might sound, having stuff create this sense of security for the future.
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> Speaking of security, security in Malaysia is appalling and basically non-existent. Why would people want to start a family back home baffles me. What's left of my thread of hope in the community & jurisdiction in Malaysia was obliterated when my childhood house was broken it twice.. On the flip side, there's more employment opportunity back home.
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> I don't know, I'm complete lost.. Why can't people just tell me what to do!? I can't go to my parents coz they will ask me to go home. Perhaps I should just stay here.. Since I have chosen by elimination.. But I feel guilty for choosing this, if I am in fact choosing..
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> Ahhhhhhh.... Who says that a choice had to be made. Why not just hop on the wagon when someone offered me a hand. Seems like it has already been chosen.
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> Please please let me know that you'll come here to have a life with me.. Please please let there be an exciting and lucrative job offer here in Melbourne... Please please say that you'll come back to be with me.. Please please say that you'll choose me..
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> .....Please please let our lives be wonderful.......