Frustration besieged...

25 June 2012 * 7.40am * Glenny's Living Room

Life is such. Just as I begin to forget that Lit's going back to Malaysia for good, reality creeps back to bug me.

It sucks.

It really does.

Turning 24.. What's the Hoo-ha?

8.28pm * 18 June 2012 * Glenny's Kitchen

Yesterday, I was 24 years old. It was really lovely... the way Lit planned the day.. Slotted in a full body massage near Melbourne Central and it was fantabulous! lol... the masseur, a relatively young Chinese lady touched my neck and said "oo, your shoulders are really stiff and your legs are tired!". Yea, no kidding. Been working on 9am-8pm shifts few days in a row will do THAT to you.. let alone to a 24 year old body.

lol. I was rocking shifts like those throughout Summer of 2009 and if memory serves me right, I was up and ready to work the very next day. Hell, I can even make time for gym sessions after a day's work.

Last month during Lit's birthday, I was so puzzled by his sudden melancholy. We have been demotivated and stressed about the uneventful job hunt for sure but he had always put up a tough and positive front... Maybe he had been my rock for too long that I took him for granted. He's just a human being... like me.

I, too, felt that melancholy has enveloped me. It's hard not to think about stuff that you have not achieved.. Jobless and living in limbo... the cherry on top was to have your boyfriend leave the country for good... by the end of this month. Leaving... after your birthday. All the more reason to cast a grey cloud over your birthday. But if by participating and having something to celebrate can serve as a temporary bandaid over the pandora's box of problems.. I'll gladly oblige.

The day was just that. Had a great lunch date in Shoya on Lt Bourke St... the Set Lunch was $38 and MASSIVE. We had to skip and run over from Melbourne Central to Shoya because I got a complimentary 10 minutes from Royal City Oriental Massage =)) The Massage was worth every cents! I think the lady got so worked up trying to rid me of my butt knots. Really. Apparently the knots near my hips and butts area were troubling. Wonder what I did to cause that...

Lit went to through the trouble to get Jing Yi and Cheer Ray out of their respective lives to have a drink with me in Koko Black.. So tempted to have that saliva-inducing Ice Mocha but my stomach was at its capacity after the bountiful afternoon degustation! Gahh!! I'll shall have that in my next visit then =(  It's great seeing the couple of them again.. It's been a while.. I found out how much Jing Yi has grown! From whining over the nauseating train ride to Clayton to visit me.. to working in Springvale 5 days a week. Boy, we would do anything for a job huh?

Anyway, we then headed home for the 'surprise' party.. which let's face it.. it's pretty much expected. It was great having friends over.. enjoying a good meal cooked by Lit.. pork ribs, chicken wings, salmon wrapped in rice paper and garlic bread.. The best part was the ice cream cake baked by Lit. That guy.. for a first time baker.. he HAD to choose something THAT HARD. The truth is, I'm so proud of him... =)) He really made that Betty Crocker devil chocolate cake his own!

If you're reading this, think you might has noticed the change of tone half way through this post. Even though I would love to dwell on the past wrong-doings.. but really it doesn't do anyone any good. The important part is to pick yourself up and soldier on right? Think I'mma get a rubber band around my wrist and 'snap' away these negative thoughts.

In fact, I think The Malaysian Magazine is sort of like a birthday present, for me to do good by me. lol.. if that even make sense. It won't be easy but I have faith in Joyce =) lol. She'll be the great leader to lead us on~

Well, being 24 years and 1 day old today.. I think I should focus on what I can do to make my life better. Think it'll just be a beginning of my obstacle-filled but exciting future =)

Sanity is running scarce

4 June 2012 • 10.59am • on the 733 bus back to Glenny's

The mornings went quieter than usual since he came back and . Breakfast, lunch, dinner... Silence.. In fear that if the elephant in the room were addressed, it'll inadvertently open a can of worms.. Not mentioning the inevitable streams of persistent tears.. 

Avoidance and escapism. Immature i know.. Also the least productive option on the plate. but at this very moment, I think that's what barely keeping my tear duct from going overdrive. 

Melancholy.. Doesn't even begin to illustrate what we're going through now. The anger and rage that we felt on these unfortunate occurrences ravished us.. But in the interest of preserving our sanity and not to add oil to fire that could only lead to self pity and hatred to the world.. We fell short of expressing our thoughts.. Filtering out the anguish and disappointment.. Trying our hardest to support and encourage each other.. 

This is an extreme distortion and censorship of expression.. That might be why I constantly feel like I'm swallowing back my thoughts and negativity.. And that really doesn't go down well.. It's like that big piece of meat that is going down your throat.. But got stuck in the middle.

Gosh I hate that feeling

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Unfair!!!

1 June 2012 * 11.39am * Glenny's

I'm furious!!!

It's just not fair!!!

Lit's been busting his ass off studying for that stupid ielts. Bull crap man. 9*8*8*7.5? Bull shit.

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Wink *

I'm on my way to bb and a fire fighter just winked at me =)

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New year's eve 2012

Is it me or it's weird to see Lea Michele playing opposite Ashton kutcher is NYE 2012..

So used to seeing Rachel Berry on Glee... Felt like Ashton's a paedo....... And Russell Peter is awesome!!!!! So many stars!!!

... Felt a little late but I'm star struck =))))

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Misfits!!

Date: 30 May 2012 * Time: 12.16am * Location: Glenny's

If you're anything like me who is currently lost after the previous season of TV series left you with no directions but have not actually caught on with the new season... AND you've exhausted your back up series such as Downton Abbey for me =p.. Try Misfits! I've given it a try and loved it!

It's Heroes... but the Brit's version is way WAY better. If you're into stuff like Skins (season 1 & 2), think you'll love this too =)

There's heaps of dead people, swearing, travelling back in time, blood splatters, disgusting blowing the brains out humour... was a little off putting initially but grew to be a little more intriguing as you catch on..~

Swimmmmmm

It's the first time since I first came to Melb to step into a swimming pool... Felt so light!! Dreaded the feeling of coming out from the pool to have to deal with my own weight again =(


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Jake from the TV series, Touch.

10.44am * 9 May 2012 * Glenny's

Really, if I WERE to have a kid like Jake from Touch, I won't have the patience to deal with him as that Bohm dad does in the tv series.

Was thinking about the idea of newer technology.. how it's making people more sentimental.. the permanence of digital media such as CD, VCD, DVD and subsequently blu-ray that is bigger, better and much much clearer. Soon enough we'll be able to store and reproduce 3D items if it's not already on the market.

Other technology that enable people to send and receive REAL HUGS and

Is it so bad?

I just wanna get away =(

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1st Levi's Jeans =)

After going through more than 8 pairs of K-marts cheapo jeans finally.... My first Levi's! Well technically first and second but anyway... I know I'm a little late to the game but this is really expensive for me... It's like more than a half week's salary for both of these babies =(

I really do hope these jeans can live up to the jeans standard.. If there is one.. And last for a long long long long time.

I had a really pleasant experience shopping in Levi's in Spencer St Mall (aka DFO southern cross once upon a time). The sales rep there are really patient and extremely helpful.. Not in a pesky way. I felt a little overwhelm but trying to maintain my composure while taking in all these jeans and speed reading the price tags around... I have never bought jeans that cost more than RM45 (fr Goggles 4 years back) and $30 (fr Target last year).

After wincing and whining for more than a year now... Lit strongly urged me to get a pair of good quality jeans to save myself trouble and mainly, to save his ears from these incessant grumbles.

So I decided to brave the humiliation to actually finding out how high my body figure fair against the size chart... And step into the store.

So these are my accomplishments.. So to speak. Lol.

Peacefulness, is it such a bad thing?

29 March 2012 . Our Quarters in Glenny. 5.34am.


So this is what it takes to make an instant gratification seeking 24 year old with an attention span of a gold fish and a memory of Dory from Finding Nemo (which is extremely misleading because for a long time I thought that was the Dory Fish that we enjoy oh so much) to sit down with minimal distraction and start her long awaited introspection.


It's almost 6 in the morning, here I am, sitting in a dark room, staring at the dimly-lit computer screen with a cup of Nestum with Milo and Coffee, awake. This was a frequent occurrence back in the day in Sun-U Residence and I would not hesitate to reach for the phone to enlist the services of Jaafar Mamak or the awesomely De-lish spicy chicken from McD. If Cynthia was not around, I would open the glass door to look out to the then deserted mining pool which came to be known as Taylor's Lakeside Campus while unsuspecting and rare vehicles zoomed through the road leading towards Monash & Sunway Campuses, where shadows of trees and buildings come to play.


Fast forward to Howitt. Gosh I really liked that place. A place to myself, a really cushy bed, 24 hours heater (especially handy during winter), friends within arms' reach (not literally), kept me nice and safe.. not unlike a bomb shelter that shielded me from the harsh realities of real life... what's not to like? I really felt like a protected princess up in my 5th floor castle where I have to exit the vicinity through the woods by the lake. Such happy times. I have endless source of entertainment from the prolific DC++ artists. For deeper contemplation and getting in touch with my higher consciousness, there's the study overlooking the short Deakin Hall, next to the basketball court. I still remember the once pungent carpet smell that slowly grew to become the smell of Howitt, the smell of home.

One thing led to another, the chapter led me, us, to Marshyland. It was a time of extremities. So 4 of us decided that we could live with each other for the next 12 months.. and such joyous times we had. Uni pretty much kept us occupied most of the time but we didn't mind each other's company. At times, interesting experimental culinary boundaries were exceeded and records of goals were broken. Literally goals from PES that the boys were so obsessed with and which I did not feel captivated enough to partake. Marshyland was a commonplace for the other friends to drop by, hang out, get drunk and pass out. There's a certain sense of community where sleepless nights entails defrosting leftover pizzas, cans of mother and strategically located potato chips (inside joke =p) over similarly dark room with the occasional knocks on the door when he was either worried or bored and wanted to check up on me... He would normally come in and sit down in the corner to observe and trying hard not to interfere while I floundered on dry land, drown in my own misdoings and desperately gasping for air.


So I guess the good lord decided I was not horrible enough to send Armageddon and utter annihilation my way.. The outcome in December 2011 was hanging precariously on a line, above the fence separating sold ground from an abyss of hell fire where my life could have spun out of control; where I haven't had the courage to look into when July 2011 hits me. I was not extremely proud of what went down in the past 2 years but there is certainly pride of a war veteran. Despite all that was said and done, I am truly glad and thankful that I got where I am now. I have such supporting people around me, a really caring boy whom I care just as much about. The boy who is tugged in cosily under blankee 1 and 3, the boy who was the inspiration for this dark room at this ungodly time. 


Even though the quarter in Glenny is a stark difference to my castle in MRS and observation tower in Sunway.... although it does not serve as a drive by nor free car park for our peers... It is like our private little hideout where I come back from BusyBee 5-6 days a week to disappear to, with you =)  It is not just because of the sofa made of cotton candy that one melt into while watching the 49" screen of awesome clarity... It is you that made this transitional period bearable. Well at least I hope it's transitional and not permanent. 


3 minutes past 7am. The past hour and a half crept by with the jazzy vocals of Lana Del Ray's Pawn Shop Blues on repeat. Who cares who she was or that she was plastic on SNL's performance. I do like her most of the songs on Born to Die even though this country jazzy song has been on the replay for a while now and I'm still not bored of it.


At this point, I really don't know what the future holds. Frankly, I'm really terrified of where I could end up in 5 years. The sanguine feeling I have now seems to stem from the fundamentally complacent situation. Still fresh from the afterglow of graduation, showing up at my closing on to 3 years' part time job as a main source of income and coming home to a loving, albeit worrisome boy who is troubled over his lack of luck in the 3 months long job-search and his frustrating 0.5 points from a perfect quadruple 8s on the unfortunate IELTS test for the second time. To make matters worse, the consumption of my first attempt in making almond and berry biscotti on Monday left him with a nagging sore jaw in the past few days. Maybe my self-destructive tendencies swayed to target him instead.  


Poor, sweet boy he is. 


Well, I guess this turned out to be a rather romantic and nostalgic entry instead of an introspective attempt to unravel the bundle of crazy that is me. it's 7.19am... I was supposed to get up at 7.35am to catch a bus to Clayton Rd for some freelance thing. lol. First assignment and I really can't wait to see the nuts and bolts of a well-oiled bank. They requested that I look professional... so i guess t-shirt and jeans do not make the cut. It's not a highly paid task but I am not complaining about this one-off additional pocket money in the mean time =)

Bodeh language

Aiyo, accidentally winked at someone in the library. Hahahahaa..

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Sticky Date Pudding Edition!

15 march 2015 • Gleny • 12.04pm

Muahahahahh!!! Finally made the long awaited sticky date pudding =)))

2102 | 2012 =)

Today is the 21st of February, 2012.

Just thought it's worth a mention.. =)

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