Location: MY cozy cozy sofa, Ipoh.
Being someone else's bitch is always a drag. Always being bossed around by that person. Being nagged and nagged about little stuff that I don't give a damn about. Being the punching bag of that person after a hard day's work, etc...
No, I'm not complaining, at least I think I shouldn't since she's my mom.
Everyone's not perfect especially when it comes to nagging, that's all moms' specialty. It's obvious especially when another sibling has gone to study abroad and you're the only one left alone at home. Surprisingly, minus the stress from school and societies, I don't mind her nagging.
Or maybe it's because I found enlightenment from 2 And A Half Men that I've been watching in the past week, to just listen to what people want to say and say what people want to listen, but do nothing will make that person temporarily happy.
When she shared her frustration she brought back from work with me, I listen to her, nod and smile to whatever she says and did nothing. Haha.. yes, my suitcase is still sprawled open under the staircase, my study table is still stuffed with junks from the past and 90% of the clothes in my closet were there since 1988... ALL left untouched and she's happy coz I nodded and listened.
Like seriously I don't feel the need to rebut her. I use to feel the strong urge to come up with facts and figure to fight against what she said, one thing lead to another, a HUGE HUGE fight will spark ending in tears and loads of door slamming.
The strain was there alright. And I know she'll start to nag again when she's reaching for the liquid dishwasher buried under daddy's pile of junk. Yup~ We all have our share of junk.
That's partly why I don't like spending too much time at home. It's really suffocating to see your loved ones day in day out. They'll start picking and poking at all your habits while if you only have a short stay, they'll be kinder and tend to appreciate you more. I know they must have loved me enough to start picking ticks from my fur (figuratively speaking, like Chimps...).
To think that I used to envy how bro spend his few holidays at home in Ipoh, mom and dad will purposely work around their schedules to allocate more time for the family. The thing is I don't mind a couple of meals, shopping and catching a few good movies with my family, I just don't wanna feel obligated to do EVERYTHING EVERY TIME with them.
Yes, i might sound like i have commitment issues but the bottom line is that I like my privacy, my "Jun's Time". People say "distance makes the heart fonder" for a reason ok?
Anyhoo, I was doubtful of making my trip back to Ipoh last Saturday coz I wasn't sure if I'm capable of facing my grandpa's first anniversary of his death (I can't find a better phrase to put this). Yes, it has been a year since all the crying, praying and cremating took place...
That's one of the downsides of being raised in a Chinese family I guess. They take everything so seriously.
If my parents were to pass away one day, I'll make a grand happy occasion out of it. Not out of disrespect, but to celebrate and commemorate their wonderful lives instead of making everyone feel sad and wear black. It'll be a big open house and everyone will have to wear clothes with happy colors. I mean, comon! Death can also be a beautiful thing. It means that the individuals have reached a mature point in life and it's time for them to move on, to look for MORE out there.
Afterall Earth's only THIS small. and Emilia is wrong...
She's a big big girl in a small small world...
Anyway, I reached Ipoh on Sunday morning. Well, more like 1am in the morning... Excitedly set up my bro's very cool pc and went to bed, flat. and bro's room was a store room. and even that IS the understatement of the year. That's the thing when you and your family has been staying in this very house for more than 20 years (for my family, about 22 and a half years now). You'll see stuff piling up over time and soon enough, you'll realize that those treasures that YOU treasure oh so much actually TAKE UP SPACE.
Remember your primary & secondary school report cards you wanna hold on for remembrance? Those souvenirs from your vacations? those really cool decorations that you believe is Feng Shui that you had to HAVE? Not forgetting the collection of Newsweek and Nat Geo Mags dated from 1995?
Well, the good news is by the time you realize that your space under that stairs has shrunk, your children are probably old enough for colleges or universities.
I saw, by my very own eyes, the 'store room-nization' of bro's room when I was in secondary school and now it has dawn to me that the study room mom and dad planned to have when I was (which was a spare room behind my room) is actually a codename for storeroom.
and so I did a small intervention a yesterday. Bro, be grateful, be very grateful and spoil me with branded stuff if you wanna thank me.
Anyways, that little ceremonial thing didn't go too badly. I mean I braced myself for waterworks and really touching speeches but lucky for me, it was actually really pleasant. After a short prayers, we cleared the table of joss sticks and ashes and out came the good stuff! I'm always a fan of gram's cooking, be it meat or veg (my 2nd auntie who lives with her is a vegetarian). We (my godmom, goddad, first auntie, mom, grandma & I) had a delightful lunch talking about uterus, fibroids and menopause. No tears but happiness. Grandpa should be proud.
Ohh! I forgot to mention. My 2 little godbros are not so little anymore!! Though Ah Kai's still at the stage where girls are his biggest enemies and the older brother Ah Hong SOUNDED so so grown up now! He's standard 5 now... and what seemed like a minute ago I saw Ah Hong's first steps in Grandpa's shop. *phew* time flies... soon they'll be getting married and having kids while I'm gona grow old with dozens of dogs and die alone.
Anyways, it's been fun in Ipoh so far. and that's because I learnt to say no. After certain function I attended weeks ago, I realize WHY force myself to do stuff that I DON'T want to? I learnt to stand by my conscious and learn to say NO when needed.
On top of that, I dug into my roots of mood swings and depression lately... It's coz I was lack of exercise! I was too busy spoiling myself with tons of sit coms and tv series that exercise took a backseat in my daily life. I should start a routine and stick to it. 30 minutes a day sounds easy... right? I like my old cheerful and zestful self... If that's what it takes to make myself happy, that's what I do alright!
-reciting this poem made me miss Mrs. Ong who forced us to memorize this in the first place...-
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
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